Where Do They Come From? Part I

In the middle of writing a sentence in the first draft of my current project, I have the thought that I should just stop, erase it all, delete it all, unpublish my five self-published works and forget I ever thought this could be a thing.


Then my stomach starts balling into knots. Is this a panic attack coming on?

Not quite. I can still breath though my stomach has this lead ball filling it up.

What is happening?! I haven’t skipped a workout. I haven’t eaten any sugar. What evil spell is someone casting?

I walk away from my computer. I attempt to stay passive with the thoughts, not over-analyzing but neither ignoring. Let this moment pass, whatever it is, let it come through and out and away.

But it doesn’t pass. So what do I do?

My instinct is to go into hiding. Bury myself in a favorite book with headphones around covering my ears to create a wall that makes the world seems a distant dream.

But I’m supposed to make new choices this year. I’m supposed to stop being a cowardly fuck.

So, I dip my toe, test these swirling feelings centered in my gut, consider where they might have come from.

Maybe I did just eat something weird…

Ugh! Fine! I’ll analyze…

Goodreads Reading Challenge

Last year I crushed my Goodreads Reading Challenge, but failed miserably at the two others I’d joined. These latter 2 consisted of reading specific books that after a few I just didn’t. There were too many “after this random book, I’ll read that book.” Then the year was gone and I’d failed. Ah well.

This year I set a goal to read 101 books. Last year I read 128 and the year before 156. Why not go bigger? I keep telling myself I’ll level up my writing practice and that will take up more of my time. In 2018 I published 3 books, and in ’19, two. Hmmm-maybe my reading doesn’t directly reflect my writing progress…

Do you set any reading or writing goals for yourself? What kinds of books do you find yourself more apt to read?

Connect with me on Goodreads!

#FridayReads: The Cruel Stars

I finally settled on my first read of the new year. I feel like typically at this point I’d be on book 3 or 4 or 5, but there’s been this weird reading situation going on. I just can’t settle into something. I’ve gone through four books that I put aside after the first few chapters. I almost NeVeR do this. When I start a book, I typically commit to the end, even if I’m not really feeling it. Apparently, that aspect of my reading habits has fallen off……

I’m committed to reading more of my first love this year: nerdy, techy Sci-Fi. The beautifully imaged bookstagram community I follow on Instagram is heavy-handed on the romance and/or YA genres, so I’ve been swayed over the last couple of years to fill my reading time with more of that. Not a bad thing, just a change that swept over my life 😆

The Cruel Stars by John Birmingham seemed to fit my need for traditional Science Fiction. So far, so good at chapter five. Still getting into it 🤞

Anyone read The Cruel Stars? What did you think (no spoilers, please)?